If Only
by Medeea
Summary: (WARNING: MASSIVE MANGA SPOILERS!) If only the manor did not burn down. What would life have been like for the Phantomhive twins if their parents were not killed?
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: WARNING: MASSIVE MANGA SPOILERS. Do not read unless you have read the latest chapters of the manga or you do not mind being spoiled. Regardless, I highly recommend catching up to the manga before reading this.**

 **I wanted to write about the twins and this was the result. I do not know if anyone has written something similar to this, but either way, here is my version of how things would have been had Vincent and Rachel not died and had the twins not been kidnapped. At the moment, I do not really have a set plot in mind, so the plot will evolve as time passes. Any inspiration is appreciated. This is just an introductory chapter, so hopefully, it will get better eventually.**

 **As this is still quite early after the reveal that the Two Ciels Theory was right all along, we do not know Our!Ciel's real name, so I will make do with Astre for now as it seems to be the most popular option among the circles I frequent. I will go back and edit every single chapter if his real name is revealed to be something besides Astre, whether this story finishes before the manga reveals his name (if it will ever do so) or not.**

 **All criticisms are welcome. Nice comments, 'please update', tips on how to improve, and everything else: feel free to go ahead and post them! Reviews are like food and water to fanfiction writers: a writer with no reviews will starve to death and/or die of thirst.**

 **Disclaimer: Kuroshitsuji belongs to the amazing Yana Toboso. The cover picture is not mine.**

 **Without further ado, I present you the first chapter of 'If Only'!**

* * *

Ciel and Astre Phantomhive had always been together. They had a very intimate relationship and could trust each other with everything. Blessed they were, for they truly had an enviable and ideal relationship that some siblings could only dream of and scoff at in disbelief. Astre believed they could not be more different, but in reality, they were each other's mirror in more ways than they thought. Yet, their birth right did not allow them to be equal.

The firstborn inherited everything while the 'spare' had to make his own luck. That was their future, decided by a few mere moments' distance at birth. The younger twin did not mind and already had a plan to open his own toys company, but that did not apply to the older twin as well.

All Ciel wanted was for them to be together forever, from birth to death. If he had to choose between spending a lifetime with Astre or with Lizzie, he would have chosen Astre in a heartbeat. He would also have made the same choice in a life-or-death situation. Yes, his fiancée was a wonderful girl, but she could never top Astre's place in Ciel's heart. His heart was Astre's and Astre's alone. No one could even compare or hope to settle in a fragment of his heart for as long as Astre and any memories of him existed.

Was that an unhealthy feeling? Perhaps. Regular brothers were not emotionally dependent on each other. But Ciel, the overprotective and reliable older brother that he was, did not care and Astre, ever the big brother worshipper of a younger brother, did not dare to question it.

Sometimes, Vincent and Rachel considered separating them. It was normal for siblings of the same age or of similar age to be overly attached to one another in childhood, but the twins had just turned ten years old and they showed no sign of ceasing their co-dependency. Their parents were glad that they got along, but sometimes, they wished they would make an effort to socialise with other children too. Out of them, Ciel was definitely the more sociable one while Astre stayed inside more due to his sickliness. Oddly enough, it seemed that Ciel was the more attached one out of the pair. Either way, Vincent and Rachel were proud of them both.

It was now the end of a beautiful day and evening spent with their family members. Said day had been the twins' tenth birthday and many people, loved ones and nobles, came over to visit and wish them happy birthday. For now, everyone was exhausted, so it was time to call it a day. As such, Vincent and Rachel led their children to their bedroom. Usually, it was the servants who did so, but as it was an exceptional occasion, the parents wanted to wish them goodnight and tuck them in themselves.

'Goodnight, sweeties!' Rachel said joyfully. 'Sweet dreams and sleep well. And once again, happy birthday!'

'Happy birthday and goodnight,' Vincent added after he gazed at the window, a silent smile on his expression. Astre noticed he looked more tired than usual, but chose not to comment on it. He assumed it was simply because of the preparations and multiple interactions required for and over the course of the day.

'Thank you, mother and father!' the twins said and hugged them. The family was now wrapped in a beautiful and warm group hug. Despite the Phantomhives's reputation, they were honestly a downright loving, supportive, and wonderful family. As long as no one upset them or the Queen, that is.

In spite of their bright appearance, the Phantomhives were as duplicitous as they come. They were lovely and great people with an unpleasant side behind their generally positive outward aspect. At first sight, they might not have seemed like opponents to be feared, but everyone who was familiar with their role in relation to the Queen knew not to be fooled by that and to treat them as serious, powerful, and dangerous humans. The twins were no exceptions to this; as much as their mother wanted her babies to be normal and cheerful, she knew that as per their ancestry suggested, they would develop a darker part sometime, if they had not done so already.

Having said their departing lines for the night, the twins crawled into a bed – together.

'Oh, my, aren't you a bit too old to sleep together?' Vincent teased them playfully. Sticking to the stereotype of the differences between mothers and fathers, he was the funnier and more whimsical parent and more likely to say things just to provoke the twins as a joke.

'No!' Ciel swiftly replied in a defensive way and held on to Astre as if he was dear life. Astre was a bit surprised by his act. 'If we want to sleep in the same bed, we will.'

'Don't say things like that!' Rachel told her husband and glared at him. 'Ann and I still slept together when we were ten too.' Ever the kind and indulgent mother, she was quick to take her sons' side in front of everything and everyone.

'I'm just kidding,' the Earl defended himself, his casual smile not leaving his face. 'Now, shall we go?' And on that cue, Rachel got up, wished the twins 'goodnight' again, and left with him.

The boys hid under a blanket and entwined their hands as they often did. It was hard and relatively uncomfortable to sleep while hugging each other, so that had to do as replacement. Just touching each other was enough to make them feel calm and at home. It is said that home is where the heart is, and their home was their twin.

'Astre…' Ciel uttered in an uncommonly bashful way.

'What is it, Ciel?' Astre replied, in spite of the fact that he was half-asleep. Listening to what Ciel had to say was more important than sleep, after all.

'Now that we're ten, what's next for us?'

Astre was confused by the words that came out of his brother's mouth. 'What do you mean?'

'Are we going to split up more and more? Will we continue to be as close as we are?'

'What are you on about? Of course we won't drift apart and that we'll remain as close as ever!' Astre had no idea how Ciel could even consider that such a thing would occur. Sure, they would have to separate at some point, but that time had yet to come. For now, they could stay the way they were, relishing in the last years of their mutual childhood.

Ciel's grip on Astre tightened. 'Promise?'

'Promise. Haven't we promised something similar already?' Astre was perplexed by the constant need for reassurance his twin had begun to display more and more over the past two years or so. Ciel was the strong one, so why was it him who needed a guarantee that they will not forget about each other once they meet other people and have other things to do? Astre had accepted the reality that was their future, but it appeared that Ciel had yet to follow him in doing so. Letting go hurts, but sometimes, it is obligatory.

'We did, but just to make sure.' With just a sentence, Ciel showed more of his veiled fragility and separation anxiety than he wished. Even so, that was fine, Astre would understand like he always did.

And with that, the twins fell into slumber.

* * *

The Earl and Countess of Phantomhive positioned two of their covert guards who masqueraded as servants in front of their kids' room and checked that the snipers with view to the window in front of the door kept a watch on it in case they were needed. The snipers who could see the window inside the boys' room were ready too, a fact confirmed by Vincent. They would not allow any harm to befall upon their offspring. Even if they died, that was of no relevance as long as their descendants lived on. And so, Vincent and Rachel marched on to the master bedroom. On the way there, both struggled not to say anything in fear someone might overhear them. They had a lot of things to talk about, but they had to wait until they were surrounded by no one but guards beyond the walls of their room. Finally, after an awkwardly restrained short walk, they got to their destination.

'I'm so grateful that tonight wasn't a disaster,' Rachel sighed with relief after the door was closed. 'I can't believe the nerve some people have…'

'Good thing we were ready to counterattack, though,' Vincent said, a sly and darker tone seeping into his typical light one. Rachel recognised that tone; it was the tone he used as the Earl of Phantomhive, the Queen's Watchdog. 'And God bless our sisters and Diedrich for coming with reinforcements. I don't think we could have survived if not for their help or had they arrived later.'

'Your sister really is quite the figure, isn't she? The way she fended off those people was brutal!'

'Franny is a very tough woman who cares about her family most of all. In addition, she's a Phantomhive. It's only natural that she would defend the manor and her loved ones to the best of her ability whenever she can.' Vincent addressed Frances's actions with a huge brotherly pride that could almost be seen radiating off him. He was genuinely content with the sort of woman his sister became.

'Her husband and Diedrich were no slackers either. It's beautiful to see what strong and amazing people we have on our side!' Rachel uttered these words with glee, her happiness at being able to rely on some people even given the nature of the Phantomhives's work obvious in her voice.

'It is indeed.'

'Speaking of tonight, Ann mentioned that the invitations were altered. Turns out they had the wrong hour stapled on them. Luckily, Ann, the Midfords, and Diedrich agreed the hour on the invitation was too late for a children's birthday party and that it must have been a typographic error or that they should at least help with the arrangements, so they came early in comparison to the time of the invitation.'

'Is that so?' Vincent's pitch changed to a darker one. 'I believe we have to get rid of a mouse problem tonight. Go to sleep first; I will stay awake for a while longer and continue to enforce a lockdown on the manor. Please stay safe at all times and keep your pistol by your side. There has been a leak and no one gets away with leaks when it comes to the Phantomhives.'

'I decline,' Rachel said with an astonishingly strong will and ardour that made it impossible to refuse her. 'Someone's threatening our family and at least one traitor hell-bent on killing everyone roams free in the manor. Do you honestly think I'm safer here, in the first room an assassin would look for us? I'm coming with you. We'll get to the bottom of this, together.' She spoke with boldness in her tone, her sound logic not to be outdone.

'Only if you take your pistol with you.' Vincent was impressed by his wife's determination and falling in love with her all over again. In their times, women were expected to be meek, quiet, and submissive, and while that did describe Rachel most of the time, there was an unmistakable fire in her which attracted Vincent to her. Rachel was usually an extremely soft and mild-mannered lady, but when the situation necessitated it, she could be an unexpectedly strong-minded woman. She was truly a Phantomhive, even if that was her family by marriage rather than birth.

'Don't forget yours!' she responded as she handed him his second pistol and concealed her own.

The couple proceeded to go to the study and start their research on the identity of the traitor. They would make sure no one got away with attempting to exterminate their family.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello again! How are you today?**

 **Many thanks to everyone who has followed and favourited this story! *hugs everyone* It truly means a lot to me to see that even a person or a handful of people enjoy my writing or find it at least worthy of a little attention in the form of a view, review, follow or favourite. I have written a lot in the past, but I have only attempted to share my writing once (after which I deleted the story…).**

 **As I worked out this story's plot, I realised that the first few chapters are not going to be as cheerful as I would have liked since they deal with the aftermath of the attack quite a bit. Sorry about that! We will get to Ciel and Astre's daily life in the next chapter.**

 **I noticed that I forgot to add the disclaimer. Oops! The first chapter has been updated with a disclaimer and a small conclusion at the end as I felt it did not end well. If you read chapter 1 before this chapter was posted, you do not have to go back to read it if you do not want to as it is nothing important.**

 **Oops 2: You might have noticed I updated yesterday, deleted the chapter, and reposted it. The reason is that I made one of the stupidest mistakes I have ever made: I forgot to mention how two people helped! I am so embarrassed! *crawls into a hole in the ground* And that is why you should not write and post when you are sleep-deprived. Please poke me with a stick when I make such ridiculous mistakes. *hides* If you read this chapter already, scroll down to the second paragraph as it contains a piece of information essential to the next chapter. I made some other very minor changes as well, but they are not relevant enough to read again.**

 **Now, on to the second chapter (with hopefully no oops moments this time)!**

* * *

The wooden and ancient grandfather clock which had been in the Phantomhive family for generations struck midnight. Rachel was in Vincent's study, checking if any documents were stolen from it when everyone was busy dealing with the commotion outside and trying to think of possible culprits. Normally, wives had nothing to do with their husbands' study and working areas, but that could not be said about the Phantomhive couple. They were both intelligent and Vincent occasionally asked Rachel for her opinion on things related to the Watchdog's cases in an attempt to shed new light upon them, a practice which proved itself useful more than once. As meek as she was, Rachel had a sharp mind and an enviable attention to detail. Counselling with his wife on work duties might not have represented the standard expected of Vincent, but he had always been quite the nonconformist and did not stray away from disregarding tradition when necessary.

Due to the altered invitations and smooth attack on the manor, the culprit could only be someone on the inside; someone with access to the invitations or who could persuade those who wrote or sent the invitations to change the hour on them. This made the Earl extremely distrustful of everyone besides the Phantomhives' immediate family and Tanaka at the moment. In consequence, the search of the manor was carried out by Vincent, Rachel, Tanaka, and Frances. Frances and Ann had insisted on helping, but since Ann was not entirely familiar with every single corner of the mansion, Frances looked for anything unusual around specific areas of the mansion while Ann was tasked with tending to the wounds most of the ones who fought off the attackers had. There was not a myriad of wounds to treat, but it was enough to satisfy her need to help and to make her stay put afterwards. Diedrich was also more or less forced to help by questioning the one attacker they captured alive in a basement cell beneath the manor. Granted, it was not exactly his dream to help them out with this, but Diedrich had always been a loyal man of his word. His only condition was to give him time, and by time, he meant the entire night with no interruptions. If Diedrich's interrogation yielded no answer, Vincent intended to question the captive himself.

From the corner of her eye, Rachel saw her husband coming out of one of the secret passages of the house. He had momentarily left in order to check them. The only living people who knew of the secret passages were Vincent, Rachel, Frances, Tanaka, Ciel, and Astre, and since two of them were children, any evidence of the tunnel being compromised indicated that either one of them was the culprit, which was highly unlikely, or that someone had discovered it.

'All done here,' Rachel stated as she finished going through a large bookshelf which contained important documents. 'Nothing is out of place.'

'Everything is in order on my side too,' Vincent replied and they took a seat at his desk, parallel to each other, in order to discuss the current matters. The entire house had already been looked through and absolutely nothing was missing or showed any signs of having been touched. 'Tanaka and Frances have not found out anything misplaced or missing either. That rules out the possibility of burglary as the motive for the attack, I suppose.'

'That's good to hear,' Rachel responded, though the unhelpfulness of that fact did nothing to aid them in figuring out what was going on. Something did not add up, though. 'Say, doesn't it seem odd to you? The culprit's modification of the invitations could suggest that he or she didn't want anyone outside the household to get hurt.'

Vincent measured her words carefully and deduced she must be right. Yet, he had no idea why anyone would even take care not to let any visitors die when they would be willing to kill the family and their servants. Most of all, those facts meant the attack was deliberate and targeted, not random, and specifically that its purpose was annihilating the household. Perhaps the culprit's intention was to make it look like an unfortunate accident? But how could that be if they clearly killed everyone in cold blood?

Rachel's words brought him out of his thoughts. 'Do you have any guesses as to who might have done it?'

The Earl fell into thought and considered his words for a few seconds before opening his mouth. 'Well, it's obvious that it's someone on the inside, who had access to the invitations or at least enough credibility to convince someone to edit them. However, the second option would be ignorant of them as it would be very easy to make the accomplice talk whether they knew the truth or not, because either they wouldn't want anything to do with an attempted mass murder if they were clueless or they would be willing to sell the main culprit out in order to save themselves. An arrested person might be willing to defect and blame everything on their accomplice in order to save their own hide rather than cooperate and potentially get both of them out scot-free, all because cooperation bears the risk of being betrayed themselves. In most cases, both people defect. Thus, having an accomplice in this case would be a most terrible idea and elementary mistake. That implies the person who altered the invitations most likely worked alone, so they must be the traitor. Since the invitations were printed and I sent the order for the invitations myself, that can only signify that someone told the printing company to change the hour or that someone in the company tampered with them. Then again, the company has no reason to do that, so I'll focus on the first variant.'

'So the next step is to figure out who modified the hour, but that has to wait until morning, just like the results of Diedrich's interrogation,' Rachel concluded and frowned a little with sadness in her beautiful blue eyes. She was not pleased with that at all since each moment the culprit spent free was a moment when he or she could plot another attack on the house, but there was nothing that could be done. She just hoped the next attack would not come soon so that they could get the twins to safety. 'Meanwhile, should we think of the reason and question the servants? They were the people who posted the invitations, after all.'

'My best guess is that the reason might be revenge or grudge against me or the family. It wouldn't be the first time it happened.' Vincent shrugged to indicate his guess was as good as any. He could not come up with any other reasons why anyone would orchestrate an attack on the manor. 'Questioning the servants is a good idea, but it might make the culprit suspicious if we let on that we already suspect the servants and the culprit is one of the servants. He or she might try to run away overnight unless they aren't here anymore.'

The woman caught on the meaning of his words. 'What you're saying is…?'

'Exactly. For tonight, we'll simply tighten up the security and put the servants' quarters under watch. Anyone seen going outside their room will be followed and questioned on the spot. If no servant tries to leave the house or acts suspicious before tomorrow ends, we'll question them all.'

'Sounds reasonable,' she said approvingly. Her increasingly short sentences and unfocused gaze made it seem like something was bothering her, but that she was reluctant to speak of it.

Vincent was not going to let Rachel dismiss her own ideas and suspicions before they were scrutinised. 'What's troubling you, my love?'

But before she could answer, a dark figure manifested itself in the room. It placed itself behind Rachel to her left and transformed into a black Borzoi dog with red eyes.

'Pardon the interruption, Master and Mistress,' the dog said telepathically, his voice ringing in their ears while his mouth remained unmoved. 'I've finished scouting the area outside the manor, so I've returned to report.'

'Hello, Sebastian,' the man greeted the dog. Sebastian was his familiar, given to him by the Undertaker, who claimed it would be a great aid in his job as the Queen's Watchdog. They were contracted for life; in return for being fed various things from bread and milk to meat and blood, Sebastian would serve and protect the Phantomhive family until the twins died or until his own death. Since it was risky to send any human outside, the dog was sent to see if anything was out of order there. 'Did you discover anything?'

'As a matter of fact, I did,' the familiar responded. 'Kerosene, my Lord. Full, heavy bottles of them outside the house, ready to be detonated by the smallest fire. I don't believe we stock such a huge amount of kerosene outside the manor, do we?'

'Of course not!' Vincent exclaimed, trying to stifle the panic rising in his mind. 'Sebastian, remove the kerosene from our premises immediately.'

'Right away.' And with that, the Bolzoi faded into darkness and got to work. He was going to use magic to get rid of the kerosene. After all, executing the order manually would have been too difficult in his dog form.

'I assume the attackers might have wanted to burn the manor down,' Rachel uttered the thing that was plaguing them both. 'Good thing we have Sebastian. Isn't that so, darling?'

'Indeed, my dear. At least that explains why they thought they could get away with murdering everyone,' Vincent answered. He made a mental note to thank the Undertaker for Sebastian once again. 'Now, what were you going to say earlier, before Sebastian showed up?' There was no way he was letting her get away without mentioning the thoughts running through her brain at such a critical time.

'I was wondering, should we send Ciel and Astre somewhere safer while we work out who the traitor is?' Even if there was a second attack and they perished in it, Rachel wanted to avoid any harm that might come towards her little boys.

'Funny that you mention it, I was thinking the same thing,' Vincent smiled in his usual manner. 'I thought I'd sent them to Frances for a few days and have them back here by Christmas. The Midford manor might be a safer place for them now, not to mention that attacking the leader of the British Knights' house is no easy feat. We could say they're just spending time with their cousins, aunt, and uncle.'

'Wonderful! I don't like being away from our kids, but it appears we don't have many options if we want them to be safe. When should they leave?'

'Tomorrow at the crack of dawn,' he said decisively. 'As sudden as it may seem, it should give them more than enough time to get to the Midford manor before nightfall and prevent them from suffering another night attack.'

'Alright,' she agreed, despite the abruptness of the decision. Silence occupied the room for a few seconds as her gaze dropped to the floor, her brain pondering on whether the growing suspicion in the back of her mind was significant enough to share or not. It could be nothing or a red herring, but maybe it was a useful option to record and reflect on. In the end, she reasoned there was no harm in voicing her thoughts, especially when their lives were at stake. 'And Vincent… There's something else I wanted to talk to you about…' The Countess said with a shy and contemplative look on her face, further convincing Vincent that she was unsure if her following words were even worth saying.

Regardless of what it was, Vincent was eager to listen to what she had to say. Who knows, it might have been something important and listening to some words is almost never painful. 'What is it?'

Rachel gulped down and her eyes bore straight into his. 'You know how you mentioned accomplices betraying each other and the possibility of the culprit not being here anymore?'

* * *

Astre could not sleep, no matter how hard he tried.

A dreadful feeling loomed over him. He felt that something was not right, that something different was supposed to happen. Perhaps he had had too high expectations of his and Ciel's tenth birthday? That could not be it as he had no expectations besides cake and presents in the first place and he got plenty of those. Was there anything their family or servants were hiding from them? He could not tell. The only things he knew was that he had a horrible and unfamiliar sensation in his body and that it would not go away. And of course, that it perturbed his sleep too much for him to get any rest.

Ciel was mighty fine, sleeping soundly next to him. Astre juggled the idea of waking Ciel up to tell him of his feeling, but he decided against it as he did not want his brother to be as sleep-deprived as him the next day.

For an unknown reason, Astre had the feeling that no matter what, he had to avoid going outside. The bad feeling brought alertness with it, making him prepare to flee if needed. He instinctively began to think of escape routes and stayed as close to Ciel as possible with the plan of waking him up and going into the bunker or hidden passage if he heard the slightest unfamiliar noise. Astre was really thankful that their room had a bunker underneath and it was connected one of the hidden tunnels which led outside. Their father informed them to keep quiet about them and that should they ever have to use them, they should not hesitate for a second and they should not exit them for at least 24 hours unless someone who was not an ally knew they were there. Luckily, the passage could be blocked from the inside and outside if they needed to get rid of any pursuers or some pursuers saw them entering it.

Besides the passage and bunker, there was also the window. If anyone was coming from the direction of the hidden areas accessible from their room, they could get out through the window lest there were more assailants outside it. Running around the manor to the servants or their parents was also an option, but it was out of question if anyone infiltrated the house.

' _Why do I keep thinking of these things?'_ Astre asked himself. Maybe he was just paranoid and his paranoia resulted in his plans to escape the manor with Ciel. _'I should really go back to bed.'_

As fruitless as it was, Astre tossed and turned for a good few hours, the sense of impending danger not helping at all. Eventually, his exhaustion got the best of him and he succeeded in dozing off.

He could swear he saw the hallucination of a pair of monstrous red eyes in the window before he succumbed to an uncomfortable and unrestful sleep.


End file.
